在别人面前的快乐只为了令别人开心一点我要找到真的快乐唯有继续装傻

`'`Monday, December 04, 2006`'`

[On Air : 半岛铁盒 - 周杰伦]

one more week left to common test.
i can't judge how much i have revised.
but the understatment still stands at i-am-still-not-ready.
i was never ever ready anyway.
and probably never will.

common test has basically been taking up most of my time.
so it either school or home.
not that it a bad thing.
i get to spend more time with my family.
like the whole of the past weekend.
friday was dad's birthday.
had dinner at some resturant in chinatown together with grandma & aunt's family.
and half of saturday was spend with my cousin and dinner over at aunt's house.
one of the best weekends for me.

everything seems alright.
when i am with people.
smile, joke, laugh.
but when i am alone.
everything feels different.
i tend to settle into my thoughts too deeply.
sometimes even the emotional system goes haywire.
putting on a brave front doesn't do the inside work.
wad a joke.
i can't even control my own emotions.
and i thought i was strong.
strong. haa. how wrong i am.
well, i have been living in a state of self-denial.
i should have recognised this long ago.
or rather i should have choosen to recognise.
and i am starting to wonder how much more of me is still in self-denial.
oh wells, enough of such depressive talk.
it time i get to sleep.
or i shall very soon withness the consequences of sleeping late. =)

Don’t take too long to say I love you to the ones you love,
Cos time has a habit of slipping away.

12:26 AM

with love,
xin

=)