在别人面前的快乐只为了令别人开心一点我要找到真的快乐唯有继续装傻

`'`Thursday, September 16, 2004`'`

1 year has come n go. But memories will alwayz stay. 1 year ago... u left us 2 a world tat would bring u no worries, pain, illness. I still tink of u. I go abt my evridae life like i shld, wake up, attend sch, go hm, study n all. I do wad i alwayz / shld do... laughing, smiling, playing arnd wif my frenz. But sumtimes i feel hollow inside. Sumtimes it juz a brave front so tat no 1 sees thru mi. I feel so tired. Life goes on... n i am living it like am supposed 2. I try 2 b happi, in sch, at hm, wif frens. They r wad tat keeps mi going...... i laugh, play n haf fun wif them. But when night falls and i lie alone in bed... e tears juz flow whenever i tink of u. Those long gone daes.... u alwayz there like mum n dad ..... ever since e dae i was born. i was e onli 1 whom u took care of since i was born. Those daes where u fed mi my food, kept mi accompany, play wif mi n took care of mi when i was sick. Do u still rmb the daes when u used 2 wait 4 mi 2 return hm frm sch? u will alwayz be sitting in e living rm till i come. Sumtimes when i was late, u would ask y i was late. U were alwayz giving us sweets n money. But those r e long gone daes..... it all changed when u fell ill tat fateful dae 3 years ago. Things were nv e same again. It dragged on... u nv fully recoverd until u passed away last year. It was den tat i started tinking abt life... abt wad it like 2 lose sumone u love. Tat taught mi 2 grew up.... i changed my perspective abt mani things. i dun c tings e way i used 2. i learnt 2 treasure e pple tat were closest 2 mi... my family n frenz. But 1 ting in life tat will nv change is a regret tat i still haf n alwayz will.... ( i am nt ready 2 sae wad it is yet). After such along 1....... wad i wan 2 sae is tat i am fine n life is okie. I hope u r 2. Thanx 4 all tat u haf done 4 mi e past 17 years. I will keep it all in my heart n rmb it 4 life. If there's a nxt life... i wish u would b my grandma again. U r e best tat ani1 could ask for. N mayb sumdae we will meet again. For nw i will juz live my life n try 2 b happi. I wish i could send dis letter 2 heaven... so tat u could c it. Life goes on...... I miss you...

1:48 AM

with love,
xin

=)